Friday, October 28, 2005

Justice Modern Esquire???

Dear President Bush:

I just wanted to let you know that I have recently passed the Ohio Bar Exam, and am now as qualified as Harriet Miers was for the position of Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States. At 30 years old, I would make a lasting legacy for your Administration for decades to come. Imagine, you could have the two longest serving nominees on the Supreme Court ever!

As a Bush nominee to the U.S. Supreme Court, I will be a judge that applies the law, not create it. So the next time some accused terrorist is complaining about Geneva Convention violations, I will not create some new executive right out of thin air, but strictly interpret and apply the treaties and conventions that the Executive and Legislative branches have ratified.

Unlike Miss Miers, I do not present an executive privilege problem as I have never worked in your White House. In fact, since we've never met, you can avoid any sort of "Brownie" or Miers cronynism accusations. Also, since I have yet to let my Ohio law license lapse, I won't have those attention to detail problems like she did. Additionally, my classmates will tell you that I did well in constitutional law in law school, so I can handle the inevitable droning conversations with Arlen Specter about Youngtown Steel and its role in the War Against Terror (TM) for hours, much to the Chairman's delight.

Please let me know if you are interested in considering me for this position as soon as possible, so I can start creating my paper trail as to why you're "the bestest President ever." Thank you.

Sincerely,
-The Modern Esquire

6 comments:

OLS said...

Dude, that was fantastic. And CONGRATS by the way!!!

JWM said...

This was the funniest thing I've read in a while...

Anyway, I think you should also add that your classmates voted you "Most Likely to be a U.S. Supreme Court Justice," but more importantly, you should mention that you are a white male. That alone should push W over the edge. :)

Traveller said...

Hey, Modern, you passedthe dang bar exam! Congratulations!

obsessivelawstudent said...

Dude, where are you??? Blog man, blog!!!

WestEnder said...

Regarding your school's lawsuit, was that the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time it was found unconstitutional?

Anonymous said...

Passes the bar and disappears.

Where is the commentary on the voting machines fun?